I'm doing fine, but my heart hurts.

A long time ago, I saw a neighbor that lost her husband of 55 years. As a young stupid person I ask how she was doing. She calmly, forced a smile and said that she was doing fine, but her heart hurt. I never forgot it.

Regardless of the loss, be it your grandparents, parents, friend, companion, or your way, the intensity of your hurt heart is personal. No one can tell you how long the hurt continues. How many tears are enough. Your heart will decide that.

When I lost Timber, my emotions were out there for all to see. Than I told myself others have lost more and that she was a dog not important as others losses. I tried to feel good. Told myself to stop mourning and get my act together. But for me it wasn't that easy, I was trying to be strong so others would not think bad of me.

Then virtual friends, friend, and family told me to go ahead and hurt, to cry, be an air head as long as I needed because she was special, she was my responsibility, my companion, my accomplishment, she was a great girl. I could mourn her, and now I am, without apology.

I too can say, I am doing fine, but my heart hurts.

I am stronger due to my friends and loved ones. Because of you, I know I am on the right track and when my heart stops hurting smiles will come and fond memories will return.

Carol

It came to me today....

what happened to this weekend, where was I, how did it disappear without me noticing it's departure? Even if I saw it coming would I change a thing...probably not. I believe I am a little too structured. Where did that come from? Why is it that every morning I wake up with a plan for the day. More planning than day.

Maybe it's my upbringing. My mom was a hard worker, and so my dad. And do I really care. I find myself content with my life as I make it. And if I had more time off what would I do with it? I know it wouldn't be sitting in the sun drinking a fine blender drink or watching the birds for hours as they fly in the ski.

By golly that's it, I am happy and would not change a thing. I like a list of things to do and the possibilities of completing it. I like the time in my gardens and the mid afternoon nap when caught by surprise. Yes, this is a good life. Sometimes complicated but by my making.

But when I do take time to squander I truly appreciate it and spend it without quilt.