Saying Goodbye

I could see this angel waiting for Charles.

Over the last few weeks, I observed my friend, Helen, and her family saying goodbye to their dad.  I was surprised how his last journey was so much like my mom's.  I saw how the family drew together to make him feel loved and safe, only looking for the better of his remaining days on earth. 

For them the nights and days of vigilance lasted longer than the time with my mom.  But the time is not as important as the love shown through the journey.  I felt as though her journey was connected to my journey, growing in God and love. 

My mom ask my sister-in-law Dar, "what should I say to Jesus when I see him". Dar drew deep in her soul and said "tell him you love him".  How simple this love, yet how hard it is for some to understand.

I write this for two reason, it brought back memories of my mom's last journey and how blessed I was to travel part way with her, and to highlight Helen and her family for making me know that there are other families so loving and compassionate. They are blessed to have each other.

Great peace came to Charles on Friday, he is well and happy, young and again with his wife. Don't you just love a great ending.

Carol

I lost the wind under my wings.

It seems that when things go down hill they won't stop. I told you that I was fighting some issues. The biggest one is that I am an artist with a good heart. I love to contribute but always say that I am an artist and so my writing skills are colorful, not perfection.

In the last two week three people decided to rewrite my posts on the association blog. Without me, there would be no blog. I felt communication was important, and that people would honor my artistic mind. People who know it all are often not thoughtful people. I would rather be me than them.

The president and vice president have been ask to write posts for the blog. But in stead took time to rewrite one of mine. Even thought I stated that I was an artist and not a writer, I would give them a break. This week I ask my husband to just proof read my article. His response was that he had reworked three paragraphs and have a question on the other two. Oh my, my heart sunk and I felt myself fall to the ground. I tell you this because, it always helps when I write things. Something is wrong with this statement, the thing that makes me feel good is now something I shouldn't do.

When I lost the air under my wings I also lost my creativity and for that reason, I must take a break from writing. I will come back but not till the hurt has subsided.

I will be reading your blogs, as I have always done. I read to laugh, cry, pray and rejoice. I don't read to pick out the comma, or the structure of a sentence. I want to hear it in your words and adds color to my world. Once again I want to thank you letting me write and letting me be me.

God Bless all of you.

Carol

I am in shock.....

I wanted all the good people to know that there are bad people who are now training kids to be bad. Last night during work a manager came to me with a look I hadn't seen before. She stated that a customer had come to her, whispered in her ear that he had seen a woman with child, outside the store. He hesitated than continued. He said that the mother pulled the pants down the child's legs and he pooed in front of the doors. The child preceded to piddle.

Now I know these words are simple but they hurt me to write them. What would make a person do that, we have a restroom. We are as nice as we can be and we ask for people to write surveys. This is so unbelievable that I find myself shaking my head and denying my writing. But when a person has to clean up someone else's poo. You find it sickening.

There are not morals to this story, but wanted people to know things like this happen and hurt the workers, not the store. See the store didn't clean it up, the nice manager, that has treated me with extra kindness was the clean up crew.

Carol

Send love for pet loss.

Yesterday I spent time designing a dog sympathy card, while John was out in the back digging more holes. Tomorrow I am going to post an updated picture of the work going on in the back yard. However, it's a long way from done.

But today is sympathy card day. I am proud of this piece, mostly because often while designing, I loose my way and find myself wondering how the card will be finished. The point is always the finishing mark on each card.

The main piece here are the hearts. One heart didn't do it. After about an hour and may heart tries, I did two hearts and it made the card. Just thought you would like to know even creative people get stumped. But the will to create a great card always wins and I never quit.

Have a great weekend

Carol

What can I say.

I want to thank you for your words of understanding. I found that my family and friends understood more than I gave them credit for. The tears that fell while reading and talking to them was as much for the loss as for the outpouring of love that came from everyone.

The last couple of days have been pure hell, the morning after her departure, my life had changed from a guardian of such a loving pet to a heart that was broken and a feeling of being alone. And since John was going through it with me we hugged and did little projects to use up the day.

For those of you that shared the stories of your loved pets, thanks, I knew that I was not alone in hurt and that I too would feel better with time.

God Bless all those who visit my little world.

Carol

There will be no love without hurt.

Today at 3:00pm we put Timber down. I don't have a lot to say other than my heart is broken and I know it will get better with each day. But for today, pray that the pain goes away soon.

When my husband and I got home we raised a glass of wine to her. Even with the hurt today, her being with us was well worth the pain today.

Thanks for being my friends.
Carol

The world according to Timber

Timber seems to see life so much simpler than us humans. She enjoys a good road trip with the anticipation of putting her nose on the window and sniffing and wagging. With a treat to follow when she believes she had done well at riding. Usually she gets a treat when she has done her duty at the Timber stops along the road. But she is always looking for that just riding treat.

This week has been a little depressing for her. A trip to the vet after her ODS attach. But once again we were blessed to have a diagnoses that was treatable. Today, which is Friday, she is back on her feet and eating. Eating was something she was not doing. Scrambled eggs, peanut butter on bread, dog treats were the list of things she would consider. If your dog has the look of a stroke, please call the Vet, it maybe ODS, and it's treatable. If you want to look it up, Goggle Old Dog Syndrome. It will tell you what to look for. I know now that I will keep my eyes open and not jump to such conclusions as stroke.

With a wag of the tail, Timber says hi and looking forward to more blog posts. Because she knows she rules.

Carol

When your heart hurts.

Over the last few days, I thought I was loosing my Timber, she is 13 years old and I know the time will come when she will no longer be with us. However, even knowing this is not making it easy. Every moment I get with her is truly a blessing.

If you are not a dog lover, you can't imagine, as I can't with not having children. But believe me, when I say, loosing anyone or anything that you have taken care of is never easy.

We thought she had a stroke and her second one came this weekend. My heart sat in my throat, would I have to say good bye. Going to the Vet was so hard, would I leave with or without her. Would I come home to a dog dish that would not be eaten out of, or a bed not needed that sits in the corner of our bedroom. This was going to be hard. See I thought I knew the answer.

After the Vet took a few tests he told us that she didn't suffer from a stroke but from Old Dog Syndrome. It's like having vertigo and has lots of side effects, however, it was treatable and with time she would come out of it. It can be found by typing in Old Dog Syndrome in Google. I tell you this because when a dogs age hits 11 through 16 years, this is common. And I wish I had known about this, because I may have had it treated earlier.

Today Timber is still unsteady, a little nauseous, and her senses are really off, but I know that this too will pass. I prayed to St. Frances to watch over her, that I do the right thing for her. It looks as though we have still more time. Thank God.

God bless those who travel through my little world.

Carol

Earth to Carol

Today, my work was physically hard, and the temps were hot & the humidity was 90%. The pressure of the world was heavy on my heart as I drove home. I entered my driveway, realizing all the things that I had to do yet before supper.

Then to my right I saw it, I don't know how, was it fate or just luck, but there in front of me by the pond was my iris. Now I am sure you say big deal. Well it was, I stopped the car, walked over to the iris in wonder. Was it true, was the center iris blue in a field of yellow iris's. Oh my gosh, yes and it was the first year this had happened.

I feel to my knees and a tear fell down my face. This was the earths way of telling me to take a breath and enjoy, once again, my little piece of the earth. I was home, I was ok, I was loved. And now you know you too are loved by the earth's willingness to give you something without anything in return.

Have a great day.

Carol

I bet you think I'm always happy?

I have decided that being sad or angry is truly a waste of my time. Don't get me wrong I am often temped by those two villains. Today is one of those days. I hear something on news I don't like, church time has changed and alter my day and now I have to adjust to that.

I go about my day having those unwanted thoughts eating away at me until my mood is black. But then I look at Timber wagging her tail and my husband saying with that loving voice, good morning. Those thoughts will not do that to me, so I keep my goat hidden.

A year ago, I decided to hide my goat. For those of you who haven't had those wonderful words said to you here they are.

"Don't let them get your goat".

I heard that a lot when growing up. But until now I didn't realize how important it is. I visualize my goat and where I put it to graze. I visit it in my head and realize how happy it is, safe from all that can hurt it. But life isn't that easy and I can't be protected like my goat.
When someone is trying to get the best of me, be it personal or on news, I have to visual the goat. It makes me smile and then, only then, I can see the loved ones around me doing their normal things to make this moment in time truly what I am here for. To love them.

The story is simple but to achieve it 's hard. God Bless those who are visited by those villains today.